A Primer for the Future!

Tyler Coburn // for Present! // 25…4…2005…

Hello

There are many things that are older than the seven things I’m about to list. Some might even say that the things that are older than the seven things I’m about to list influenced the seven things I’m about to list, but this is just nonsense. The seven things I’m about to list influenced the seven things I’m about to list and will in turn influence the seven things I’m about to list, for they are the constitutive forces of the next and penultimate epistemological epoch.

Anxiety

What does one need for the next and penultimate epistemological epoch? One thing to do is make sure you have the seven things I’m about to list. You can hoard them if you want, because we really don’t know how much of them we’ll need and because it’s really too early to tell whether the next and penultimate epistemological epoch will condemn avarice. You can also start throwing away the things that are older than the seven things I’m about to list, including: metonymy, gamecube, pastiche, simulacrum, deterritorializan, xbox.

Projective Altruism

We know: what part can you play in the coming of things? It’s tough to tell whether the next and penultimate epistemological epoch will be one for the ascetics, the barbarous, the post-humans or the Luddites. Perhaps it will be Jesus writ large across the world, in which case you meek people can start feeling validated. It’s tough to tell, so it’s tough to tell you people what you can do to prepare.

Death Drive

You can stop worrying about being smited in the next and penultimate epistemological epoch, because penultimate is penultimate. We don’t know who came up with the title, which supports our belief that there’s a greater design behind the next and penultimate epistemological epoch.

Poop

Yeah, penultimate takes out the suspense in things, doesn’t it? But just because we can guarantee that the human race will survive the next and penultimate epistemological epoch doesn’t mean we can guarantee you’ll be surviving happily. Our studies show that there is an over 36% chance that, during the next and penultimate epistemological epoch, the majority of the human race will be reduced to BiV, which could really suck or be really great…guess you’ll just have to stick around and see!

The End of the Era of the Hyphen

It’s true. We’re really becoming a hyphen-nation, so maybe the name of the next and penultimate epistemological epoch should be without a hyphen. Or maybe it should be with a hyphen. We can’t safely say whether the next and penultimate epistemological epoch will endorse synchronic or diachronic modes of being and thinking, so safest would be to choose a word that could go either way - bat for both teams, if you get our drift.

Words Words Words

Yes, you can cast your two cents into the piggy bank about what should be the endorsed title for the next and penultimate epistemological epoch, which in itself is truly a fine title, but it’s the pizzazz factor they go for these days, and we would be nothing if not for our verve, swagger, panache and, of course, pizzazz.

Anyone is welcome to play the game but people who experience disgust in the face of theoretical language are advised to exercise extreme caution or abstain entirely.

Rules: Connect a prefix to a root and a root to a suffix. Be careful! Some of the roots already have derivational affixes attached, but don’t let that worry you. Just keep playing!

Penalties: Any players who attempt to make an infix, circumfix, simulfix or suprafix from any part or parts of either a root or root with derivational affix or prefix or suffix will be disqualified and, in the event that the next and penultimate epistemological epoch endorses karmic retribution, severely punished.

A(b) Anti Ex Pro Proto Post Post-Post Postal Po’ Poo(p) Oomlat Xeno Ono On In Inter Intra Ob Robo Sober Supra Super Cyber Yper Simul Dis Dys Dee(s/z)

Modern Postmodern Futur(e) Functional Crayon Existential Human Postal Animal Abrupt Pedant Ornitholog Meal Dand(y) Argument Altercation Bushel Abjection Colonial Ornamental Log Cabin Inspiration Nylon Rumination Beef Fun Tri-lingual Languor

ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism ism

Mail your two cents to: The Center for the Establishment of the Next and Penultimate Epistemological Epoch, 116 E. 68^th St, NY NY 10021